I Think I'm Going Crazy!!!

It's no secret that I'm a media whore. For some time now I have been a slave to many forms of entertainment. So much so that a lot of times it doesn't feel like I'm being entertained. It actually feels like work....or a chore. My mind is a very strange place to be sometimes. I have actually worried more about what movie to watch tonight or what game I should play than I have my finances or something that actually has substance to it. I've been like that for years! It was at an all time high when I worked at Blockbuster years ago and I could rent anything I wanted for free. Talk about making your head spin. It got to the point where I structured my day around watching this movie at this time and this one here and so on. It's not as bad these days but it certainly does still have an effect on me. If any of you have seen The Cable Guy then you will understand why this is troubling me. There are times when I actually feel like Jim Carrey's character!

Technology is a wonderful thing. But like all things it must be taken in moderation. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in this endless fight for my soul with all my possessions. To quote a very deep line from Fight Club, "The things you own end up owning you." In my life, this is very, very true. But it doesn't make itself clear at all times. Just like anything else that the Devil is involved in, he makes it appear so pleasing. So innocent. He will do anything to destroy your mind and your body. For many people it's drugs or alcohol or whatever vice he knows you have. But for someone like me he knows that I will succumb to the power of entertainment. I like to be entertained. But I like to take part in these things when I have a clear mind and can truly enjoy them. And a lot times I can. Going to the movies with friends, watching my football show every night, etc. But whenever it's 2:00 in the morning and you really want to go to sleep so you can wake up before noon the next day and you just have to watch Trading Places b/c it's funny and you haven't seen it in ten years......well.....just like any other addiction, Satan is right there laughing.

It's a double edged sword b/c so much of my inspiration comes from movies and tv. I feel really good whenever I watch something touching or poignant. It makes me wanna do things with my life that I never knew I could do. I get plenty of ideas for future projects and just alot of acting tips and things to try. But I always fall short of making something like that happen. It's not to say that I don't do things ya know. I love the theatre and try to be involved in everything I can, no matter if it's onstage or behind, big role/small role; I don't care. I makes me feel warm inside. I've been trying to get outside more so far this year. I think its working. Long story short, I'm trying desperately to break these chains around me and try to find inspiration elsewhere. And it's out there. Laura Michelle inspires me everyday to be a stronger man. Hell, just to be a man. B/c I want to be able to take care of her for a long time and there are things that are gonna have to happen first....like getting a job!!! And Mark is a HUGE inspiration. He is a social chameleon and seems to blend in everywhere. Plus the fact that he's always positive and God fearing. And then there's God. He's the most inspiring of all. If there's one person to kick that devil on my shoulder in the butt, it's Him. I love thee.

So this is what I'm gonna do. I'm having a media strike for the next week. I will still watch my football show b/c that's more news related and probably watch movies with Laura Michelle b/c that's different. (It's something we do together) But no more xbox in the middle of the day. No more flipping just to feel comfortable. More outside, more talking to my mom, more job hunting, more theatre, more God, LESS SATAN!